They Only Fertilized Names

Lady: Hi! I’ve been watching throughout the Seder, and haven’t seen you recite a single prayer, partake in any of the rituals, or even look up; what’ve you been writing?

JD: Since I actually had to participate and somewhat listen in class today, I wasn’t able to fulfill my goal of coming up with and jotting down baby names.

Lady: Oh, so that’s what you’ve been doing for the past two hours?

JD: Yeah, and who cares? This is bullshit anyway, as everyone knows that a Jew will take anything for free, and yet Elijah never touches his wine.

Lady: Are you a member of the tribe?

JD: Sure.

Lady: Then don’t you feel bad about not engaging with our holy traditions this evening?

JD: Since I’ve actively celebrated Passover my entire life, I figured that HaShem wouldn’t be mad so long as I just came. I actually hope that the whole Haggadah is read, to allow for my further pensiveness.

Lady: I don’t see a wedding band; is your girlfriend pregnant?

JD: It’s been over a year since I’ve last had sex.

Lady: So you’re not having a child?

JD: I would love to deliver God’s first non-uterine conception, though I just don’t see it happening.

Lady: Then why are you doing this?

JD: I woke up full of ideas, and want to save them for the day that someone is actually dumb enough to have my progeny.

Lady (laughing hysterically): It’s great to know that you possess the time as a law student to name fictitious offspring. So, what’ve you come up with thus far?

JD: At the top of my list is Machine.

Lady: Why on earth would you name a kid that?

JD: I got picked on a lot growing up…

Lady (interrupting JD): I see why!

JD: And I figure that no one will harass a Machine. For example: the bully demands my child’s lunch box, and she or he replies that “I’m a machine, so I never lose stamina; I’ll just run until your dumb-ass gets tired”! Or, if my kid has to fight, since nothing is stronger than a Machine, the antagonist will lie comatose after a single hit!

Lady: I’ve never heard anything stupider, not to mention that it’s not a girl’s name.

JD: It’s unisex, though if you disagree, let me knock you up, and if a daughter’s produced, then we’ll go with “Machina”.

Lady: That’s not any better.

JD: It may be awkward at first to tell people that the broken down Machina must be lubed up, but the discomfort should wear off quickly.

Lady: It’s unfathomable that I’m inquiring, but what else do you have on there?

JD: One kid will be La’Chaira, and the other La’Sofa; if we’re lucky enough to have a third, then we’ll name it La’Table, as a living room set is ideal for entertaining.

Lady: Being objectively retarded, how exactly did you get into a first-tier law school?

JD: I placed an ad in the paper that read: “seeking a tall, smart, Asian man… to take the LSAT for me”.

Lady: That I believe.

JD: Can you come up with something better?

Lady: My name is “E-Betsy”; I would name my daughter that, and my son “E-Betso”.

JD: Will you marry me?