New Clothes Can’t Change Things

(At the University of Florida’s Levin College of Law)

Duncan: So, why did you decide to attend law school here?

John David (JD): For the apparel.

Duncan: Excuse me?

JD: My alma mater, the University of Montana, had awful licensed merchandise. I just wanted a shirt that said Montana or had our schools crest or mascot by itself, instead of these weird, new age designs. If I knew the clothing was so bad, I would have gone somewhere else.

Duncan: Essentially then, you chose a law school based on fashion.

JD: I’m tied to this place for the rest of my life. I had to be comfortable with its colors and symbols.

Duncan: Do you root for a sports team because you like their uniforms?

JD: Of Course. The Gator kicks ass by the way and is versatile. Gainesville is a progressive town; we should lobby the University for a line of “Gaytor” Football Shirts. The Law School just uses a drunken frat Gator for its events, when it should really have a “Gaytor Law Students for Lawrence” campaign.

Duncan: Gay pride is rampant here; those two guys who look like twins were making out at the ACLU event the other day.

JD: As the group’s newly elected Vice President, I admit that only the three of you plus the officers attended.

Duncan: Some impact that you’re having on the world.